2.1

Went to dinner with my family and then to Michael's, bought more paper so I can make cards...have an abundance of supplies, now to use them.
I am drinking one of your beers, in your glass and missing you.

Points

Reasons I love you:
I still get butterflies when I see you
The way you take care of me; financially, emotionally
Your voice
The way you read to me
The way you cuddle, our physical closeness
How you make me feel better when I'm upset
How we communicate, I can tell you anything
How you help me clean the house and do everyday things
Your openness on religion and child rearing when it comes to us
The notes you leave me
When you surprise me
The way you kiss me to stop me from snoring or randomly kiss or hug me
How you will run to the store at 11 p.m. or 7 a.m. or anytime for anything
You know what alcohol I like, not to push the eating of "unclean" foods and you know how I like my Starbucks
How you look at me and I know I am loved
How you fight for us when I don't know what to do
You know me

Reasons my gut doesn't follow my heart:
Tension with family
Smoking
Always having to be in the right, whether you acknowledge it or not

Day 2

Had girls night with my mom yesterday, went to the casino, lost money, ended up at The Brook for dinner and drinks. Talked about you. I'm trying to keep my mind busy so I don't realize you aren't here, but I know it's not a solution. I miss you.

Day 1

It's my day off and I'm having cereal alone. I want to hear you talk and hold your hand. I want to know where you are and what you are working on, even though I won't understand it. I feel like sleeping to make time pass faster, but I know I should be productive. I'm lost not having you here.

3 a.m.

You've left. It's early Thursday morning, when everyone is asleep and I am awake in the dark, in the quiet. I feel ill. You need me to be sure and I have a war inside my head. I love you, no matter what, I know I love you.

Two Thousand Ten or Twenty Ten

It's a new year and I feel I have not grown much in the past. I have fulfilled my old resolution of getting a stable, full-time job, but the others still linger.
I wish I could walk into a portal like WOW, end up in another place for awhile and come back. I am bored. I ponder disappearing from everyone for a month, just me and my thoughts, work. But when I think of telling people to leave me alone for awhile, I get lonely and it sounds like a really bad idea.
I feel like crying lately, I get frustrated at simple things because I would rather be angry than sad. I feel change and I am fighting against it...

Wall

I'm hitting a wall and don't know how to get around it, do you climb? Dig? Or simply step to the side?
I can't describe the feeling that has me occupied and when I try to pinpoint it, I disturb those I love, I make them feel defensive when I am just trying to find the center of my anxiety.
I know I am tired of the uncertain, but that is life right? You make one decision and another arises.
I feel inept and lonely. Very lonely, though people are around me.
Faith step in, I'm hollow here.