The Truth

You are sleeping in the other room.
My mind is a mess that I'm trying to keep contained. You finally told me why our engagements kept being broken...you allowed your physical wants to get the better of you and had a one night stand. So I got drunk. Two nights in a row, first time to pass out.
I want to make things work, but is it because I'm stubborn? Is it because I don't want to be alone? It can't be...others offer me their bed and I turn them down.
I felt good today. Sober. Happy. I wasn't thinking. Then at dinner we had too long of a silence and it all came back to me...the images, the questions, the sadness.
Can I find something good in it all? Does this mean you won't cheat if we marry because you have already "been there, done that?" Will you find another reason for us not to wed?
Perhaps the worst part is that I gave you everything, expecting that in return. I am already slow to trust, will this make it even harder?
The questions...that's the worst part...inside my head.