Speed Up, But I am Slowed Down

Time is going too fast on this my day off. I know what I would like to accomplish and yet here I sit, looking at the time and knowing that sleep is smart for the work day ahead. I am tired, my brain is slow, my body just wants to sleep, but inside I am struggling because I want to accomplish more, I want to think faster....and as silly as this sounds.....I want to clean. I am in here and my body isn't cooperating.

I Can't Feel You

I'm sitting in my new house. It has been about three weeks since I moved. It's quiet besides Landon Pigg Falling in Love at a Coffee Shop. Strange to see my belongings in a place besides where I am used to calling home.
I miss you. I miss feeling you near. I moved out for the first time and you aren't here to share in it. I have been staying busy avoiding the silence...avoiding myself. And now I look around at rooms almost fully unpacked and I feel this aching feeling that you were not a part of it. Were you? I didn't feel you here.
Now I allow myself to feel what I have been ignoring. I need you and I can't find you. So I write, even though this isn't going directly to you, but at least I know it's out there, that if you can't hear me there are always words written......I miss you.

Time is an Illusion, So Tell it to Stop Following Me

I am ready to disperse from my pied-a-terre. There is change amongst the days and I feel it, am fighting it, but know in the long run it will be positive.
I found a job, one in which I would not have thought of or rather, thought I could obtain. I am happy with it. I like my surroundings, I like my boss and co-workers. The hours are something less to be desired, but I can work with it.
I am struggling with my relationship as the tug of time is taking hold. My heart is fragile and over-sensitive and yet I have this strange calm in the back of my head that sounds a lot like, "Just keep swimming." And so I do.

Frustrated

I dislike feeling as if I have grown while others around me stay infantile. I'm angry today. I feel pressured to get a job and perform. I felt clear headed after my trip home to Washington, reoriented, and now I feel pressed upon. I feel hypocritical, demanding, short tempered, hurt, un-valued.
I want this feeling to go away...won't you stop pissing me off?

A Little Confused

It has been quite awhile since I have let my thoughts hit the void. The world is still solid and I am still on my feet, but I find myself weary with finding a full-time job. School has ended and no longer can I use the excuse of, "but I have homework." Time to act like an adult...whatever that means, I'm not very impressed with the models out there.
Heard about an insane monkey that had to be slowed down by forks, I'm glad I did not witness this. Don't you think this would make the situation worse?

And So I Ask...Why?

It seems whenever their is a positive up-spin to life, there must also be something that humbles you, kicks you to your knees and makes you cry. This fall is going to test me in more than one way and so I stay awake because tomorrow just seems more of the same unpromising twists.

I feel alone and you aren't even gone yet...

Faith in a Time of Despair

This summer has been eventful, cataclysmic towards my well-being. I find myself in contradiction, fighting to finish the schooling I have started, depending on the sources to which allow me to do so and yet grasping at the thought of independence. With the fourth of July waiting upon midnight, how "correct" to be writing this now.
I am distracted, consistently anxious and forlorn regarding the overall logistics and illogical maneuvers of life.
Such a simple sound that radiates from my cell phone and interrupts class. Twice. Two times this semester I have forgotten to do the one thing I always wonder how others do not remember. And now I am she, or he depending, who in the middle of a sentence or slight silent pause has to thumb through and find the small button that will cease the noise.
I am here, but hoping my thoughts can carry me otherwise, because in the moment I am overwhelmed.