What Once I Had

A dance, a move, a slide, a fall and everything is different. A couple of months ago, while at karaoke with my mom, a dance move was all it took to send me to the floor with a fragment in my knee and my patella out of place. I had to wait a month for knee surgery and am now trying to recover. Due to the length of time my leg has not been used my muscles have atrophied. At my post-op appointment my surgeon said that not regaining mobility was a possibility if I didn't do something fast. So, I am in physical therapy trying to regain what I once had. My job is on hold, I have to assist myself in and out of bed and daily living is exhausting.
I was hired by the company I was temping for right after the incident took place and I am grateful for that. I can only imagine the frustration those involved are feeling for having a new hire out so long and I will have to make sure they know it was worth it when I come back.
I barely remember what it is like to sleep on my stomach, to be able to pop out of bed and jump in the shower, to make my own coffee and carry it to the living room, to bend my knee past 52 degrees without force. I used to like taking a shower because it made me feel fresh, but then I would get a little agitated because of the temperature change. Now I get angry, then sad/exhausted. Taking a shower is so hard. I have to balance my weight on my "good" leg the whole time, use my arms to turn around, get in and out. It's exhausting.
I'm staying with my parents which has been good because when I attempted to stay alone it wasn't pretty. It's too hard to get items where I want them, I have to stick them in a bag or if I want a hot drink I have to slowly go crutch by crutch using my arm pits, no fun! However, staying with them isn't a picnic either...my father wants me to go back to work, my mother reals me in for a false sense of comfort then tells me to buck-up, my oldest sister, though throwing a fit when she originally was not chosen to be my caretaker, has "rules" to how and when she is helpful and wants me to start driving so she doesn't have to, and my youngest sister is using a coping mechanism of fake smiling when she is frustrated so that she doesn't get mad. So she has been fake smiling at me every time I ask for something.
Tonight my mom asked what time my pt appointment was tomorrow, I answered twelve. She made it a point of telling me I needed to be ready at eleven and saying that if I can be ready for work, I can be ready for my appointment. I reminded her that apparently I can't get ready for work, I'm not going.
The Mandude surprised me before my surgery by being my support system and getting me to where I needed to go, then after my surgery there has been some faltering. I feel like if I'm not in front of him he forgets I'm here, which is a horrible way to feel. I'm trying really hard not to let my old habits take over and I see he is trying. I just want things to be ok no matter where we are.
This injury began from a fall that happened years ago, I never got it checked out and have had issues with my knee being weak ever since. This is a new beginning in a lot of ways, because of the fall a series of events took place, altering the person I was becoming and not liking. Though I'm not happy right now, I'm depressed, frustrated and I don't see how I'm going to get back to being me, this can't be it. This can't be the light at the end of the tunnel, forever stuck immobile. This can't be what I've been building up to.