Fight or Flight

I didn't sleep well, my mind won't shut off. I am trying to find a way to pose what is in my head without sounding like a disparaging woman.
I think I saw her yesterday and if I am wrong, well, then my thoughts put me in an even worse light. I heard a voice slightly familiar, but not enough to know who it belonged to, I looked, and began to have a panic attack. She stared at me, no smile, nothing. I didn't know what to do...begin an unpleasant conversation? Start a conversation in which I am incredibly kind, but look at her so that she understands that I am all knowing or run? She went back to her seat and I decided that my life is not going to be ruined for something I did not do, I took a breath, smiled as the barista made a joke with another customer and kept looking at the websites I was perusing. She came back, stood next me as she waited for her drink. Again, not long after, she came back for a glass of water, stood next to me. You came and she left.
You don't want to hurt her feelings and though I understand what you mean by that, it still hurts me. Because you both could have cared less about my feelings for a long time and now still, you don't want to hurt her when you have hurt me so much. What does it take to get that kind of care from you?
I don't know how to care for someone that can be so disrespectful to a relationship that was already in place. How do you care for someone that even now wants me out of the picture?
I know why I can't sleep, but I don't like what it means. Besides all of the other struggles we have had. I am having a hard time thinking that you can care for someone that would knowingly ruin a relationship, breaking the heart of someone else because they are so selfish. And I think if you wanted to be with someone like that, I don't want to be in the same category. I am not perfect. I have made a lot of stupid mistakes, I have hurt people. I have gotten involved with other peoples relationships, but I have handled it differently. I'm not trying to be self-righteous and I can feel you defending her even as I write this, which worries me.
You said she doesn't respect me and I wonder what you said to put me in such a light, besides the fact that she was able to start something so she could tell you weren't happy. I don't know what to do with the fact that you are allowed to work late every night, sleep in every weekend and I am to remain faithful and when I was working late and was too tired to go out to the bar after work, you had to go find someone else. You wanted me available when you wanted me, yet you wanted me to take over my department and were so proud at how hard I was working. You punished me for doing what you wanted me to do in the first place, be a hard working career woman. The problem was, you wanted to be a bachelor while having a stable relationship and you wanted a career woman that was available at the drop of a hat that had energy to go out. You can't have it all.