Day 4

I couldn't stand it any longer, the feeling in the pit of my stomach that told me I had to see you, and here I have it again. I open my phone a thousand times a day to see if you've sent anything, I have the urge to call you on my drive home after work.
I drove to your house and freaked out your parents last night, I needed to see you, and once I saw you, I needed to hear you, and once I heard you, I needed to feel you.
I don't remember what I said in the note I left on your car, I hope I said what I meant.
You're worried I don't love all of you and I'm worried I can't be all of me. I don't want us to quit, we can do this right?
I love you and I want you to feel loved and I don't want you to feel as if you have to change completely for me, that isn't fair or right...but will you tell me if the parts of you that I see flawed, are really you or learned phases? I don't want to lose you.
I went to your website today, looked at your Flickr, you have amazing photos. Did you take them? And if so, why didn't you ever share them?
I read part of your blog, Feb. 3rds entry made me cry, mostly because you don't let me in on how hard things are for you. You don't let me in. There is this internet world that knows all of your sides, should we strike up an internet romance? Will you share with me then? I hate that I even ask that question.
I want to drive to you again...you are probably sleeping or laying in bed hearing the loud sounds from downstairs and not wanting to join. I wish you would text me back, I wish you would say you love me. I know you do, but the silence worries me, what is happening inside your head?
I'm eating old fruit, I wish we were having dinner.
No note. Cards are still in the top drawer of the dresser. I can't be here right now, everywhere I look I want you to be. I'm going to the liquor store.

Day 3

A storm is brewing outside and it makes me miss you even more. I just want to sit next to you and hold your hand, fall asleep with my head on your shoulder. The end of the month is near and I am no closer to finding an answer within myself.
I left work at 5:30, you would have been proud. Had a list of to-dos and decided to make them wait, but now I am home alone and wondering why I bothered rushing out, to sit in the silence and wallow in my missing you perhaps.

2.1

Went to dinner with my family and then to Michael's, bought more paper so I can make cards...have an abundance of supplies, now to use them.
I am drinking one of your beers, in your glass and missing you.

Points

Reasons I love you:
I still get butterflies when I see you
The way you take care of me; financially, emotionally
Your voice
The way you read to me
The way you cuddle, our physical closeness
How you make me feel better when I'm upset
How we communicate, I can tell you anything
How you help me clean the house and do everyday things
Your openness on religion and child rearing when it comes to us
The notes you leave me
When you surprise me
The way you kiss me to stop me from snoring or randomly kiss or hug me
How you will run to the store at 11 p.m. or 7 a.m. or anytime for anything
You know what alcohol I like, not to push the eating of "unclean" foods and you know how I like my Starbucks
How you look at me and I know I am loved
How you fight for us when I don't know what to do
You know me

Reasons my gut doesn't follow my heart:
Tension with family
Smoking
Always having to be in the right, whether you acknowledge it or not

Day 2

Had girls night with my mom yesterday, went to the casino, lost money, ended up at The Brook for dinner and drinks. Talked about you. I'm trying to keep my mind busy so I don't realize you aren't here, but I know it's not a solution. I miss you.

Day 1

It's my day off and I'm having cereal alone. I want to hear you talk and hold your hand. I want to know where you are and what you are working on, even though I won't understand it. I feel like sleeping to make time pass faster, but I know I should be productive. I'm lost not having you here.

3 a.m.

You've left. It's early Thursday morning, when everyone is asleep and I am awake in the dark, in the quiet. I feel ill. You need me to be sure and I have a war inside my head. I love you, no matter what, I know I love you.