Hello Tile, Hello Sink

I sit in the bathroom and cry, typing text messages I do not send. Last night - I call, you do not answer. I ask you questions, you don't respond. I feel so alone. I want you to hug me. I want to lay on the bed next to you, hear your heartbeat as my head lays upon your chest, your arm around me, your warm lips kissing my face, feel your toes touching mine. I want everything where it should be. I want us out of this fucking state that has drained me of every ounce of happiness to where all I feel is sorrow.
My mom and I aren't getting along, not really. We have conversations where she starts to justify things to me and I get frustrated, it's fine if you want to do something or if you have an opinion, but don't tell me why it's right. Inside my head I struggle with not telling people to stop justifying their actions as they speak to me. With my mother, I get quiet during this time or make a snotty comment that makes us want to take a discussion break. I know this is partially due to what you and I are going through, but it doesn't make it go away.
I have to be up early tomorrow, about the time I fall asleep, my sister is inducing labor at 6 a.m. and we are driving to OKC. Seeing the little one and driving back to be out of the way as my brother-in-law's parents arrive.
I completed lesson one in my new classical roots vocab book, tonight I will do lesson two. I don't want to, but sometimes that's when you need to do something the most. I don't want to be this inept forever. As a child I would take a dictionary to bed and try to learn new words, I loved them.
I found out I have been taking the wrong dose of my migraine meds which is why my headaches are back, I have been taking two pills less than I am supposed to. I don't know when I started disobeying the directions, it was quite awhile ago and I don't know why, but I have started back on the correct dose. Downfall, I can expect to feel even more "out of my head" than I already do.
I don't know how you are getting through day by day not talking to me. Do I love you more than you love me? Are you spending your time with another? I can still picture your face, our intimate moments, but they are beginning to fade, I keep trying to remember so that they don't. I hate being apart.