Try is a Doing Word

I sit at a table having a conversation with J, he is extremely friendly on this particular night, and suddenly there you are. Introductions are made, it's a little awkward. You don't come until late, you say you were hanging out with a co-worker and a few other people who remain unnamed. My flag begins to climb. Last I saw you, you looked right at me and said you loved me, that I was made for you. Though I appreciated the sentiment, I knew it meant something more, I could feel it, you had been with someone else. I was hoping I was wrong. Tonight you confirmed my suspicions, you had been seeing an older woman for a few weeks. Now the night I offered to come see you and you told me you were out and did not invite me makes sense, or the time I asked you to come out and you said you were busy with friends and her name was included in the list. I feel ill, like all the times before. Because you are mine. You tell me you didn't start seeing someone until you heard I was, so you understand the feeling of jealousy, would that be the right term? The more people you are with, the less attractive you become.
You say this won't work, because I don't believe it will. And I hate you in that instant, making me the one who will not try hard enough when it is your infidelity that keeps us apart. Do you really not get how much I miss you? How much I want us to start a family? How much you hurt me by being so selfish?
Get your shit together, you're killing us both.