Alone

I made a mistake. Part of the mistake I can take back at any point in time and another part I will have to carry with me forever. I misread someone because I wanted them to be something they weren't so badly that now I am realizing that to stay with them is to either ignore significant parts of them or keep asking them to change...and they haven't as of yet.
You aren't talking to me when I need you the most. Typical. I'm struggling with depression. I cleaned my room yesterday, it was getting bad, unlike me, which is a sign things are not going well; however, the clean-up was a positive sign. I asked a question I didn't really want the answer to. I don't know why I asked it, no, I do, because I don't want to live in a forest of lies or a web of omissions anymore. Instead of setting my mind at ease you said you needed to talk to me of such things in person, because you get defensive online. This doesn't bode well. If you aren't doing anything, what is there to be defensive of? Why not laugh it off, roll your eyes and tell me what is going on in your life? People are only defensive when they have something to hide. We have had this discussion before, you tell me it isn't true and then I find out you are lying about something and that you are defensive for a reason. So...what is it you think you have done wrong?
I'm so lonely. My best friend isn't talking to me. My boyfriend and I are struggling. He is the one that declared us in a relationship when I was fine with things being casual and now he barely spends time with me, but doesn't want to break-up. I'm frustrated. I feel so incredibly alone and no closer to where I want to be.