Monday, June 25, 2012

My Heart is a Yo-Yo

Again. Notified. You took a picture of your space at work, but it's what is within the picture that is confusing my head and heart. The blue lights that you always had, a few Evike stickers, a little gun, then the two things that stand out to me: the postcard you got when we were together and the giant Voss bottle we got together, it sits there empty. Am I reading into this? I know why I would keep those things there, why I would take that picture, but why would you?

And on the other side I have someone who says that they want me, but keep coming in and then pulling away. Speaking to me a few days, creating a bond where I am starting to feel comfortable again and then yanking back. Making me hesitant, confused and wondering who he is with and what he is doing, because that is what he would do in the past. Instead of telling me what he is up to and including me, he keeps me at arms length so I don't get jealous, not realizing this is harmful as well and because he assumes I will say no (and right now, yes, things are complicated as far as trying to arrange meetings), never invites me to anything. Even when I was offering to drive to see him, he simply answered he had plans with others, though the others were some he has been wanting me to meet, making me suspicious and hurt.

My heart is a yo-yo and it's exhausting me.

No comments: